that johari thingy

http://kevan.org/johari?name=tineke23

go there and tell me about me.

the best self-help group ever. you, my friends.

i'd like to see someone do a dark side version of this thing.

oh, and thanks warpup...
here it is
http://kevan.org/nohari?name=tineke23

disconnection letter

Dr. Wilson,

I came to talk to you today about my problem. I am hoping you can help me figure out what to do.

I am scheduled for a weekend retreat course that I am required to take. This couldn't have come at a worse time. That weekend is the weekend that I go out and bless the sacred ground with the fertile juices of my body and the all the screaming orgasms I can muster. I have danced and drummed the fires of Beltane for 6 years. I do that for my community, and they do it for me. This is sacred work. I take it very seriously and joyously and it puts my in a grounded state of bliss that I draw insipration and strength from for months to come.

Is this stupid retreat going to do any of that for me? No.

There is a larger issue here; one big result of my school experience is that I don't find time for hardly anything else. I was satisfied with my life for the most part before I started school, except for the professional bit. And that is why I came, but now I feel like the sacrifice is too much. I was willing to deal, but this is too much. I mean, if you had to go to a school retreat over christmas or easter weekend would you just deal with it the way I am expected to?

But this is my double bind. I am not really embracing the school community, because I run out of there as soon as I can to live the other part of my life, and that other part feels abandoned most of the time anyway. I am commited to more things than I can give my best energy to.

and I am more lonely than I have been in a very very long time.

Thanks for listening,

student

dope and drama. a working theory.

I have always wondered why some people just allow others to treat them like shit.

I have also observed in various social 'scenes' which shall remain unnamed, that frequently sociopathic bullies were quite popular. My working theory was that people who are weak willed simply stood by bullies. They did this knowing that although they themselves had no real social connections that the act of accepting this horrible treatment would at least get them laid and into fancy parties.

Now evidence suggests something else might be at work.

MICE LACKING SOCIAL MEMORY MOLECULE TAKE BULLYING IN STRIDE

The social avoidance that normally develops when a mouse repeatedly
experiences defeat by a dominant animal disappears when it lacks a gene
for a memory molecule in a brain circuit for social learning, scientists
funded by the National Institutes of Health's (NIH) National Institute
of Mental Health (NIMH) have discovered.

Now we just need to find out how taking too much e turns off this same gene...

eggplant, a portal to my bloodstream

for several days people around me, at school and home were sick. as in really sick. throwing up and fevered and delirious. I have a weak immune system. Things are better for me in the getting sick realm since I learned how to take herbs and eat the right foods, but still I succumb to most things that come my direction. I just bounce back quicker than I used to before I learned.

I was almost in the clear.

I thought I was past the infectious phase.

Then I ate some eggplant.

I know that I am allergic to eggplant. I have known this for some time. But I LOVE it! It is one of the strange cruel ironies. I just can't have it. It has been a couple of years since I last tried it and I thought that I could just have a little bite, that the allergy might have gone away or at least disappated.

That was wrong. I ate one little bite and within seconds, huge blisters formed in my mouth.

12 hours later. I am sick. My head is clogged, my throat is dry, etc. The germs found their way into my body via a wound I created in my mouth.

So I was explaining this and thinking, 'Is this rational?' , 'Is that what really happened?' and I realized that the only way to build an arguement for that observation would be to replicate it. But would it be true for other people? Maybe I should submit a grant proposal to see if food allergy mouth wounds will lead to infection in the cold and flu season in a wide population. Would the NIH fund it?

thinking about thought again

I believe it's my ongoing back and forth duel debate nature that makes me think so much about thought. Belief being a special case of thought. krishnamurti says it's a trap. You think according to your capacity, to your energy, your experience and knowledge; another thinks differently according to their experience and conditioning. We are all caught in this network of thought. I have been trying to determine if research is the correct field for me to go into. It would create a life for me in which I would be required to think in a very specific way all the time.