Life as a social and political activist has taught me many things.
One thing I have come to believe is that the idea of Security and Safety is just another problem of perception.
You will be protected by brute force as long as you do as you are told, AND are lucky enough to always be in the right place at the right time. If those things do not define you, my advice is to have a plan and get some skills.
Don't wait for something fucked up to happen before you do this.
Adopt a Security Culture
What behavior theatens security? This is something to be aware of personally and interpersonally. We must learn to See the Seeds of Violence, and do not allow them to flower. In the mass protest arena, this is something that is likely to erupt, as facing the violence of the police culture is exactly what you are organizing to do. In the family or community relationship it can be much more difficult to get clear on. Emotion is high, but the stakes are different.
Know what behaviors will compromise security and be responsible for educating anyone who acts in a way that violates or threatens security. When all members of a group understand security and correct mistakes, unsecure behavior becomes unacceptable and will stop. Dealing with infiltrators will be much easier when the collective voice is in harmony.
People who gossip, egotistically rant, project or ask for unnecessary information about activities are a severe danger to temproray autonomous zones and the anarchist ideal of security. If this happens, this person can be taken aside and gently educated in private about what danger their behavior brings.
Be careful not to preach, injure pride, or raise defensiveness, this will likely keep them from being able to accept your well meaning advise. Likewise, if someone comes to you about a behavior you have that was disruptive, disturbing, or offensive, listen to their concerns! Perhaps it's time to check yourself! We are all here to learn from each other. We must be willing to accept others for their best behavior and trust them to do the same for us.
I want to find those people who I know and trust enough to feel safe with.
They are everywhere, everyone.
"When you perceive some distance between you and what you observe, do notice in this distance the lack of love, and know that, without love, however hard you'd try to reformulate the world, to set a new social order, or to talk about progress, you will create only conflicts. All this is between your hands. »
-j. Krishnamurti
Monday, May 29, 2006
Wednesday, May 10, 2006
fragile
she was an old woman. someone who had probably lived a very full life, and had been well cared for. she was quite obese, with a history of various cardiac and vascular disease related issues.
The probable cause of death was MI, a 'heart-attack'. She fell at home about 2 weeks after having a stroke, and then had died in the ER.
Deeply, and without hesitation, he just sliced through the skin around her breasts, down the middle, then across her hips. Peeling back mounds of skin and fat exposed her chest bones and muscles. "She's had some open heart surgery" as was evidenced by the steel sutures in her sternum. Then he brought out these ...snippers.., and starting at the bottom of her ribs, cut out a square through to her collarbones, an entry into the cavity of her body. The organs were all laid out still in the sacs of connective tissue and surrounding fat, but now accessible.
He took the heart out first. A large gush of blood streaming from where the aorta had been clipped. Somehow this fluid filling the space in her chest seemed to possess some kind of vital energy, like the life-force, or the spark or whatever it is, that keeps us whole and alive. If was if it had simply retreated into this inner space to condense. We examined the vessels, then the lungs, which were blackened- a result of living a full life in an industrialized country-. Each organ was removed, stripped out of it's fatty casing and weighed. -Spleen, Pancreas, Kidneys, Uterus. The pathologist took a sample piece from each one in a place he thought would give some sign or a true diagnosis upon microscope examination. Determining The Cause of Death, and then he threw the remainder into a bucket.
When the bone saw came out and it was time to take out the brain, we all had to leave the room, including the pathologist. The reason we all gave was that we didn't want to inhale the bone-dust. Right. I wondered how the tech who was doing the sawing felt in there. Alone and sawing open an old womans skull. I am generally quite empathetic, but I had great difficulting with this stretch of emotional imagination.
When we re-entered the chamber, and the scalp was peeled back from the head, covering her face, it was such a relief. Not having to look at her facial features removed much of the tension from the experience. We were able to hold the brain, a three pound, infinitely complex, ball of fat. Networks of thought encapuslated in membranes and holding the inaccessible thing that was, only 24 hours previously, the solid segment of this womans personality.
This is just description, so much of what I think I learned is still liminal. So many of my questions right now existentially silly. but thats where I'm at with my recent experience. I feel very fortunate, and very fragile.
The probable cause of death was MI, a 'heart-attack'. She fell at home about 2 weeks after having a stroke, and then had died in the ER.
Deeply, and without hesitation, he just sliced through the skin around her breasts, down the middle, then across her hips. Peeling back mounds of skin and fat exposed her chest bones and muscles. "She's had some open heart surgery" as was evidenced by the steel sutures in her sternum. Then he brought out these ...snippers.., and starting at the bottom of her ribs, cut out a square through to her collarbones, an entry into the cavity of her body. The organs were all laid out still in the sacs of connective tissue and surrounding fat, but now accessible.
He took the heart out first. A large gush of blood streaming from where the aorta had been clipped. Somehow this fluid filling the space in her chest seemed to possess some kind of vital energy, like the life-force, or the spark or whatever it is, that keeps us whole and alive. If was if it had simply retreated into this inner space to condense. We examined the vessels, then the lungs, which were blackened- a result of living a full life in an industrialized country-. Each organ was removed, stripped out of it's fatty casing and weighed. -Spleen, Pancreas, Kidneys, Uterus. The pathologist took a sample piece from each one in a place he thought would give some sign or a true diagnosis upon microscope examination. Determining The Cause of Death, and then he threw the remainder into a bucket.
When the bone saw came out and it was time to take out the brain, we all had to leave the room, including the pathologist. The reason we all gave was that we didn't want to inhale the bone-dust. Right. I wondered how the tech who was doing the sawing felt in there. Alone and sawing open an old womans skull. I am generally quite empathetic, but I had great difficulting with this stretch of emotional imagination.
When we re-entered the chamber, and the scalp was peeled back from the head, covering her face, it was such a relief. Not having to look at her facial features removed much of the tension from the experience. We were able to hold the brain, a three pound, infinitely complex, ball of fat. Networks of thought encapuslated in membranes and holding the inaccessible thing that was, only 24 hours previously, the solid segment of this womans personality.
This is just description, so much of what I think I learned is still liminal. So many of my questions right now existentially silly. but thats where I'm at with my recent experience. I feel very fortunate, and very fragile.
finally a form that fits.
Hello
My name is
Tineke
My gender is
adult, agender, ambisexual, androgyne, autogynephiliac, biogirl, bisensual, boigirl, both, butch-ish, complex, creature, crossdresser, cuddly, curious, cute, different, differently-gendered, dominant, dork, drag prince, eyeliner fag, fourth gender, freak, friend, gender anarchist, gender outlaw, gender pirate, genderbent, genderfuck, genderqueer, girlboi, girlfag, god, goddess, grrlboi, grrlydyke, gyrl, homo, homoemotional, homovestite, individual, not sure of others, nymphomaniac, obsessed, other-gendered, peopleemotional, peoplesexual, queer dyke, queergendered, recreational gender blender, royal, sacred whore, same gender loving, sapiosexual, self-defined, sex positive, sexy, sexy muthafucka, shaman, shapeshifter, sir, slave, slinky minx, slut, snuggly, spiritual, starfucker, stealth, straight?, twin-spirit, twink, versatile, wannabe, wench, whatever, who cares, witch, wizard, woman, womyn, YES!, yestergay
what's yours?
http://www.kreativekorp.com/miscpages/gender/gender.pl
My name is
Tineke
My gender is
adult, agender, ambisexual, androgyne, autogynephiliac, biogirl, bisensual, boigirl, both, butch-ish, complex, creature, crossdresser, cuddly, curious, cute, different, differently-gendered, dominant, dork, drag prince, eyeliner fag, fourth gender, freak, friend, gender anarchist, gender outlaw, gender pirate, genderbent, genderfuck, genderqueer, girlboi, girlfag, god, goddess, grrlboi, grrlydyke, gyrl, homo, homoemotional, homovestite, individual, not sure of others, nymphomaniac, obsessed, other-gendered, peopleemotional, peoplesexual, queer dyke, queergendered, recreational gender blender, royal, sacred whore, same gender loving, sapiosexual, self-defined, sex positive, sexy, sexy muthafucka, shaman, shapeshifter, sir, slave, slinky minx, slut, snuggly, spiritual, starfucker, stealth, straight?, twin-spirit, twink, versatile, wannabe, wench, whatever, who cares, witch, wizard, woman, womyn, YES!, yestergay
what's yours?
http://www.kreativekorp.com/miscpages/gender/gender.pl
Saturday, April 01, 2006
power and denial
women.
why do you torment me with your passive aggressive ways.
I like to be direct. I like to look for common peaceful solutions. I end up being the prey for the emotional vampiress. I am just so simple, so naive. I like myself that way most of the time. It makes it easier for me to do what I know is right, when I don't project, when I refuse to take on other peoples bullshit. I don't think I'm perfect. I think it would be easier for me if I were smarter. But still I have what I know about me, and what I intend to accomplish.
I had a good vacation. I spent several days in the company of people who I like and had a good time. Then came the fallout. My ex had to make sure to yank my chain and make sure that I knew how she still holds the power over my head when it comes to our son.
Fine. I see you. I see that I am never going to be respected by you. I understand that you have me by the fucking balls for the rest of my life. make me cry and get your jollys. there is nothing I can do about it.
why do you torment me with your passive aggressive ways.
I like to be direct. I like to look for common peaceful solutions. I end up being the prey for the emotional vampiress. I am just so simple, so naive. I like myself that way most of the time. It makes it easier for me to do what I know is right, when I don't project, when I refuse to take on other peoples bullshit. I don't think I'm perfect. I think it would be easier for me if I were smarter. But still I have what I know about me, and what I intend to accomplish.
I had a good vacation. I spent several days in the company of people who I like and had a good time. Then came the fallout. My ex had to make sure to yank my chain and make sure that I knew how she still holds the power over my head when it comes to our son.
Fine. I see you. I see that I am never going to be respected by you. I understand that you have me by the fucking balls for the rest of my life. make me cry and get your jollys. there is nothing I can do about it.
Thursday, March 16, 2006
dear spring and mercury
things are coming at me and going before i even notice.
can we get retrograde.
finish one thing before the next freaking freak comes to town.
hang around. hang out. there is an art to these things, and I am ultimately distracted. I don't consider my position unique. I don't consider where I have been when I go to a new place. I only want attention. The details are just another distraction. When do I get the pay off. When do I stop borrowing from an unknowable and untangible future? Is this my culture, or is it me?
If the outcome of certain things are measurable does that have any relavance to my ability to show you the way to change?
What I do know is that the layers of my being are reduced and built at a rate unknowable.
Chemistry is magic and vice and versa.
the conspiracy against me and you is self contained and international.
can we get retrograde.
finish one thing before the next freaking freak comes to town.
hang around. hang out. there is an art to these things, and I am ultimately distracted. I don't consider my position unique. I don't consider where I have been when I go to a new place. I only want attention. The details are just another distraction. When do I get the pay off. When do I stop borrowing from an unknowable and untangible future? Is this my culture, or is it me?
If the outcome of certain things are measurable does that have any relavance to my ability to show you the way to change?
What I do know is that the layers of my being are reduced and built at a rate unknowable.
Chemistry is magic and vice and versa.
the conspiracy against me and you is self contained and international.
Wednesday, March 08, 2006
Moirae
Variations in measurement
overlay
overlay bind me
it is finished
i am released
the double edge sword cuts itself
overlay
overlay bind me
it is finished
i am released
the double edge sword cuts itself
Monday, February 13, 2006
that johari thingy
http://kevan.org/johari?name=tineke23
go there and tell me about me.
the best self-help group ever. you, my friends.
i'd like to see someone do a dark side version of this thing.
oh, and thanks warpup...
here it is
http://kevan.org/nohari?name=tineke23
go there and tell me about me.
the best self-help group ever. you, my friends.
i'd like to see someone do a dark side version of this thing.
oh, and thanks warpup...
here it is
http://kevan.org/nohari?name=tineke23
Saturday, February 11, 2006
disconnection letter
Dr. Wilson,
I came to talk to you today about my problem. I am hoping you can help me figure out what to do.
I am scheduled for a weekend retreat course that I am required to take. This couldn't have come at a worse time. That weekend is the weekend that I go out and bless the sacred ground with the fertile juices of my body and the all the screaming orgasms I can muster. I have danced and drummed the fires of Beltane for 6 years. I do that for my community, and they do it for me. This is sacred work. I take it very seriously and joyously and it puts my in a grounded state of bliss that I draw insipration and strength from for months to come.
Is this stupid retreat going to do any of that for me? No.
There is a larger issue here; one big result of my school experience is that I don't find time for hardly anything else. I was satisfied with my life for the most part before I started school, except for the professional bit. And that is why I came, but now I feel like the sacrifice is too much. I was willing to deal, but this is too much. I mean, if you had to go to a school retreat over christmas or easter weekend would you just deal with it the way I am expected to?
But this is my double bind. I am not really embracing the school community, because I run out of there as soon as I can to live the other part of my life, and that other part feels abandoned most of the time anyway. I am commited to more things than I can give my best energy to.
and I am more lonely than I have been in a very very long time.
Thanks for listening,
student
I came to talk to you today about my problem. I am hoping you can help me figure out what to do.
I am scheduled for a weekend retreat course that I am required to take. This couldn't have come at a worse time. That weekend is the weekend that I go out and bless the sacred ground with the fertile juices of my body and the all the screaming orgasms I can muster. I have danced and drummed the fires of Beltane for 6 years. I do that for my community, and they do it for me. This is sacred work. I take it very seriously and joyously and it puts my in a grounded state of bliss that I draw insipration and strength from for months to come.
Is this stupid retreat going to do any of that for me? No.
There is a larger issue here; one big result of my school experience is that I don't find time for hardly anything else. I was satisfied with my life for the most part before I started school, except for the professional bit. And that is why I came, but now I feel like the sacrifice is too much. I was willing to deal, but this is too much. I mean, if you had to go to a school retreat over christmas or easter weekend would you just deal with it the way I am expected to?
But this is my double bind. I am not really embracing the school community, because I run out of there as soon as I can to live the other part of my life, and that other part feels abandoned most of the time anyway. I am commited to more things than I can give my best energy to.
and I am more lonely than I have been in a very very long time.
Thanks for listening,
student
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